He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
