lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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