I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
