My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
