Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
