either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
