i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
