she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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