I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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