my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize