Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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