Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
