I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
