I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
