Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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