He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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