Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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