watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They have beer where we have blood.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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