May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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