Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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