i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
