Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
