I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
