No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
