I can text with my tongue
one might say we're banned from that church
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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