Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize