u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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