I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
