Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
