I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
