god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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