Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
