I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So squirting runs in the family.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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