You're completely useless in the revolution.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
