is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
smell my finger.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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