i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
