You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize