You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize