We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
