I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize