this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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