She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
