So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
