Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't deserve a penis
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
