I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
