So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
