So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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