Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
