Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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