I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
