I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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