Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
