shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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