Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
