I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize