Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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