You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
