there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
