i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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