Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
