i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
