So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
