Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
