I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
