Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
