I haven't been this sober since birth.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
