I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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