I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
