you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
