Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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