The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
