The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
