After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
