even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
