I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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